| (no subject) |
[Jan. 29th, 2005|05:23 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | alien ant farm...movies | ] |
this is one of those things...you hear a word and you then tell the first word that pops into your head..heres my version....
Left...handed
Wrong....always
Three...favorite number
Four...nathan cox
Even...odd
Bad...evil
Good...wish
God....real????
Make-belive...peter pan
Bullshit...kym
George Bush...asshole
Cocain...oot
Kurt Cobain...drugs
Sexy Beast...ME OF COURSE
Beauty in the beast...love it
Disney...bugs life
Lion King...one of the best movies ever
Cry....never in front of someone..sign of weakness to me
tears...ill wipe them away
blood...red
red...pain
favoriet...helena
black...depressed
dark...lonely
enjoyable...life at times
blow job...phone
goo...mom or helena playing scrable
goo dolls...music????
Iris...goo goo dolls song
Irene..me myslef and..
Laura...books
Jerm boat...huh??
Just met him...im not popular..i have the same old friends
new...me
fun...friends
exciting...rides to T.C.
adrenaline...fight
roller coaster..cedar point/fear
my life...complicated simplicity...huh??? exactlu
shitty...me
poo..my dad
Mr. Hankey..south park
South Park...i killed kenney
stupid...my actions
funny...jenny n helena
me...friend
dumbass..me
George Bush...bastard
again...why
later...sarah
see ya...i hate when ppl say that
bye..never for good
peace..out
do it in your own journals....and comment on any of mine!! haha kinda fun |
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| ANSWER IT!! |
[Sep. 5th, 2004|03:54 pm] |
alymarie7886
What Would You Do If
I cried:
I asked you to help:
I was becoming suicidal:
I killed myself:
I died from natural causes:
I said I liked you:
I kissed you:
I started smoking:
I stole something:
I was hospitalized:
I ran away from home:
I got in a fight and you were there:
What Do You Think About My
Personality:
Eyes:
Face:
Hair:
Clothes:
Voice:
Humor:
Choice of music:
Mannerisms:
Family :
Would You
Be my friend:
Tell me the truth, no matter what:
Lie to make me feel better:
Spread rumors about me:
Keep a secret if I told you one:
Loan me some cash:
Hold my hand:
Take a bullet for me:
Keep in touch:
Try and solve my problems:
Love me:
Do me:
Kiss Me:
Who are you?
Are we friends?
When and how did we meet?
How have I affected you?
What do you think of me?
What's the fondest memory you have of me?
How long do you think we will be friends?
Do you love me?
Do you have a crush on me?
Would you kiss me?
Would you hug me?
Physically, what stands out?
Emotionally, what stands out?
Do you wish I was cooler?
On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I?
Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it:
Am I loveable?
How long have you known me?
Describe me in one word:
What was your first impression?
Do you still think that way about me now?
What do you think my weakness is?
Do you think I'll get married?
What makes me happy?
What makes me sad?
What reminds you of me?
If you could give me anything what would it be?
How well do you know me?
When's the last time you saw me?
Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
Do you think I could kill someone? |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 5th, 2004|03:09 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | lil flip..."this is the way we ball" | ] |
ABOUT YOU
Your full name:: Amanda SueAnn Stacy
Age:: 15 and 8 months
Height:: 5'2"
Natural hair colour:: dark brown
Eye color::HAZEL nut..adamed colored.. in the words of helena aka STUBS
Number of siblings:: 1
Glasses/contacts?:: nope
Piercings:: none right now..my ear lobes are FAT so they close up too soon...oh well guess my ears need a diet..perhaps atkins??
Tattoos:: nope but i want one
Braces:: had em
FAVORITE
Colour:: ORANGE...my true favortie color..i used to say red cuz thats waht everyone liked but not anymore..ORANGE all the way
Band:: sublime..or blink 182 times..or box car racer
Song:: umm i dont have any...i like a lot of songs
Stuffed animal:: ohhh kyms frog
Video game:: VINTAGE nintendo...super mario brothers 3
TV show:: law & order SVU
Movie:: love & basketball
Book:: chicken soup books i like em..the one about love and friendships is the bestest one of ALL!!
Food:: BURGER KING
Game on a cell phone:: tetris!!
CD cover:: i cant think of a good one right now besides sublimes and outkast but thats not my favorite
Flower:: i dont have one
Scent:: lilu or lucky you
Animal:: moneky
Comic book:: ????
Cereal:: fruitty pebbles
Website:: livejournal.com
Cartoon:: tom and jerry
DO YOU
Play an instrument?::i want to learn how...attempted DRUMS and GUITAR..haha so has daniel
Watch TV more than 60 hours a week?:: probabaly
Like to sing?:: OH YES
Have a job?:: no but i want to get one as soon as i can drive myself to work
Have a cell phone?:: yep
Like to play sports?:: used too...too "expanded" to play any sports..used to love basketball and football
Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?:: nah
Have a crush on someone?::yeah
Live somewhere NOT in the united states?:: nah
Have more than 5 TVs in your house?:: nope
Have any special talents/skills?:: not that i know of..pretty untalented
Excercise daily?:: i exercise the skill of SLEEPING and sitting on my ass???
Like school?:: i like the social aspect of school
CAN YOU
Sing the alphabet backwards?:: if i could ohh i would
Stand on your tip toes without wearing shoes?:: no
Speak any other languages?:: a little bit..mucho grasias
Go a day without food?:: sometimes
Stay up for more than 24 hours?:: yeah
Read music, not just tabs?:: no
Roll your tongue?:: yeah everyone thinks its cool
Eat a whole pizza?:: i might be "expanded" but i cant do that
HAVE YOU EVER
Snuck out of the house?:: umm cant say
Cried to get out of trouble?:: oh yeah
Gotten lost in your city?:: haha going to look for the K.K.K.
Seen a shooting star?:: yep
Been to any other countries besides the united states?:: haha YEP canada!!
Had a serious surgery?:: nope
Stolen something important to someone else?:: no..i couldnt
Solved a rubiks cube?:: HAHAHAHHAAHA NO
Gone out in public in your pajamas?:: oh yeah..used to wear my bottoms to school but then everyone started doing it so i stopped
Cried over a girl:: yeah
Cried over a boy:: yeah..hate to admit
Kissed a random stranger:: no not that i can recall
Hugged a random stranger:: yeah
Been in a fist fight:: yeah
Been arrested:: OHHHH SHIT...hmm...that was my first 2 1/2 weeks of summer vacation!!
Done drugs: if you know me, you should know the answer
Had alcohol:: if you know me, you should know the answer...the K.K.K. and stubs
Laughed and had milk come out of your nose?:: i dont think so
Pushed all the buttons on an elevator?:: WHY NOT???
Gone to school only to find you had the day off because of a holiday/etc?:: no
Swore at your parents:: no
Been to warped tour:: ALMOST this year...but FUCK THE POLICE...MOTHER FUCK THE POLICE
Kicked a guy where it hurts?:: not on purpose
Been in love?:: no
Been close to love:: i thought soo...maybe not now though
Been to a casino:: nope
Ran over an animal and killed it:: almost hit a bird the other day!!
Broken a bone:: my butt bone..well fractured it
Gotten stitches:: no i dont think so
Had a waterballoon fight in winter:: not
Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour:: i really dont like milk cept in cereal
Made homemade muffins:: i didnt kym did!
Bitten someone:: haha yeah
Been to disneyland/disneyworld:: yep
More than 5 times:: not only 3
Been to niagra falls:: Nope
Burped in someones face:: all the time...i always get KYm
Gotten the chicken pox:: hasnt everyone?
WHENS THE LAST TIME YOU
Brushed your teeth:: today like around 1
Went to the bathroom:: 30 min. ago
Saw a movie in theaters:: yep last time was with STUBS we seen princess fiona in SHREK
Read a book:: beginning of the summer..i started to read my A.P. english 2 books but then stopped and decided to take regular english 2
Had a snow day:: winter..HAHA
Had a party:: ive never had a party..cept at stubs house with the K.K.K. nigga..and my birthday party but they dont count right??
Had a slumber party:: at stubs with the K.K.K.
Made fun of someone:: all the time...STUBS!!!
Tripped in front of someone:: yesterday...fell in front of STUBY RUXPIN
Went to the grocery store:: the other day to cash in change..seen milan..he caught a bad guy that was trying to steal 50 lbs. of meat..he had a get away driver too! HAHA
Got sick:: last week..period...i puked..or when i died at helenas aka STUBY RUXPIN
Cursed:: 2 mins ago probably
PICK ONE
Fruit/vegetables:: Fruit
Black/white:: Black
Lights on/lights off:: Lights Off
TV/movie:: Movie
Car/truck:: Truck
Body spray/lotion:: body spray
Cash/check:: Cash
Pillows/blankets:: Blankets...my green one!!
Headache/stomach ache:: Headache
Paint/charcoal:: charcoal
Chinese food/mexican food:: mexican BITCHES!! haha stubs..im susan diablo!!
Summer/winter:: Summer
Snow/rain:: rain
Fog/misty:: Misty
Rock/rap:: rock
Meat/vegetarian:: Meat
Boy/girl:: Boy
Chocolate/vanilla:: Chocolate
Sprinkles/icing:: Sprinkles
Cake/pie:: Cake
French toast/french fries:: French Fries
Strawberries/blueberries:: Strawberries
Ocean/swimming pool:: ocean to look at...pool to swim in
Hugs/kisses:: Kisses
Cookies/muffins:: Cookies
p33n/bewbz:: jigga huh??
Wallet/pocket:: Pocket
Window/door:: window
Emo/goth:: emo
Pink/purple:: purple's pimpjuice!!
Cat/dog:: dog
Long sleeve/short sleeve:: Short Sleeve...besides my hoodies
Pants/shorts:: Pants
Winter break/spring break:: they both get me outta school!!
Spring/autumn:: Spring
Clouds/clear sky:: clear
Moon/mars:: mars
FRIENDSHIP
How many friends do you have?:: good friends...only a few that in can count on 1 hand...but other friends..i think i have quite a few
What are their names:: STUBS,sarah< good ones.... the others>, kendra, annie, kym, kate, krystal, dri, laci, aly, daniel, idk not very many lol
Do you have a best friend?:: no..b.c how do you know that one friend is better than all the others...one might be a better talker than another...but one might be there to make you laugh more than any other...i thought i had one..but didnt..but might have one now??
Have you ever liked one of your friends?:: thought i loved one of them...BIG mistake
Do you have more guy friends or more girl friends:: girl friends...dont trust guys
Have you ever lost a friend:: yeah a best friend..not cool
Have you ever gone to an amusement park with a friend:: yeah...michigan adventures with tiffani ,thomas, and nick
Whats an inside joke between you and a friend?:: "9 in." , grabbing the steering wheel!! ...Dave Matthews Band "Crash Into Me"..."did you expand?".."yeah hit about 13 and BLEW UP"
Have you ever gotten in a big arguement with a friend:: plenty...i try not to anymore..fights are stupid..but also decide how strong a friendship is
Whats the nicest thing youve ever done for a friend:: idk..sat on the phone LOTS of times to be there for someone..even in a car..or bought them presents like ducks or moutain dew and doritos
Whats the nicest thing a friend has ever done for you?:: got me a care package when i was having troubles..filled with coloring books...kleenex..a hair brush..and nail polish..there was a meaning behind everything she got me and she wrote the meanings in a card...THANK YOU KRYSTAL
Do you miss any of your old friends:: all the time!
What friend have you known the longest:: kala pierce.. since i think 2nd grade
Do you regret anything youve done to a friend:: yeah too many to count
If so what is it:did stuff with the person they lost their V to..made them cry..and fight all the time
How often do you spend time with your friends:: you see STUBS you see me too
Do any of your friends drive:: STUBS DOES
Has a friend of yours ever died:: my grandpa???
Whats the dumbest thing youve done with a friend:: MOTHER FUCK THE POLICE!!
What do you think your friends think of you:: stubs says im a funny gal whos easy to talk to....the mom
LOVE AND ALL THAT CRAP
Have you ever been in love:: thought so...but not anymore
If you have, with who:: thought daniel
Are you single:: yeah
Are you in a relationship:: no
If so, for how long::not
Do you believe there is someone for everyone:: yep
What is your idea of the best date:: something that no one would think of...
What was your first kiss like:: first real kiss??? quick and BAD
How old were you when you got your first kiss:: ahhh hate to admit no one knows 14
Do you think love is a load of shit:: yeah unless i find it i guess
Whats the best experiance youve ever had with the opposite sex:: the bathroom HAHA
If you are single, have you had any boyfriends/girlfriends before:: yeah
Have you ever been dumped:: yeah
Have you ever dumped someone:: yeah
Whats the most sexual thing youve done with the opposite sex:: almostl lost aunt virginia
WORD ASSOCIATION
Slippers:: kymberlie
Hat:: justin
Hard:: daniel
Free:: nothings for free
Space:: need it
Taste:: good
Good charlotte:: mine and kymberlies song
Red:: my fake favortie color
Deep:: feelings
Heart:: big one
Cord:: extention
Cheese:: mac&cheese
Rain:: love it
Work:: havent yet
Pedal:: bike..in my cousin ryans BUTT ...haha fucker
Head:: thoughts
Bed:: sleep
Fluff:: marshmellows
Hardcore:: helena
Race:: helenas STRO
Knife:: me
Jump:: basketball
I....
am:: me
want:: to be a person im happy with
need:: STUBS
crave:: ??? brain fart
love:: being there for ppl
hate:: the work hate
did:: so many things i regret
feel:: dumb
miss:: kym
am annoyed by:: kym and my mom
would rather:: be anywhere with STUBS than by myself
am tired of:: my family!! amen aly!!
will always:: try to make ppl happy...and try and help if i can
SILLY STUFF
What is your favourite genre of music:: i dont have one...i like it all
What time is it now:: 3:13 pm
What day is it:: sunday...time to go to church and be forgiven from all your sins from over the weekend!! haha
Whens the last time you called someone:: umm today...my mom!!??
How much money do you have right now:: 17 dollars and my dads change
Are you hungry:: yeah i havent ate today
Whatcha doin:: chillin with STUBY RUXPIN, doing my lj, listening to music
Do you like parades:: no
Do you like the moon:: yeah its always there
What are you going to do when youre done with this::go shoppin with STUBS
Isn't cup a funny word when you repeat it over and over:: no..i just tried it..didnt work???
If you could have any magical power what would it be:: read ppls minds
Have you ever had a picnic:: no i dont think so
Did you ever have one of those skip-its when you were young:: Yeah just cuz my friend elizabeth had one...
What about sock em boppers:: dont even know what those are?
Are you wearing any socks right now:: yeah
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE
funny:: i try to be
pretty:: no
sarcastic:: all the times says STUBS
lazy:: oh yeah
hyper:: not usually
friendly:: try to be
evil:: i dont think so
smart:: everyone says i am..i think im pretty dumb
strong:: no
talented:: no
dorky:: OH YES
ASSOCIATE THESE WORDS WITH SOMEONE YOU KNOW (or dont know)
high:: helena
skip:: sarah or krystal
dance:: STUBS!!! best dancer you will ever see...have you seen the harlem shake?? its off the hinges!!
lonely:: me and stubs!
pen:: kym...pin or pen kym???
flower:: kate
window:: kam at my dads house HAHAHA
psycho:: kym haha shes a normal psycho though..lol
brain freeze: STUBS???? slurpees all the time??
orange:: helena
sassy:: Kym
jelly:: destinys child....your not ready for their jelly!!
FOR OR AGAINST
suicide:: against
love:: ??? for
drunk drivers:: Against besides ruxpin!!
airplanes:: For
war:: Against
canada:: For
united states:: For
rock music:: for
gay marriage:: For
school:: against
surveys:: For
parents:: against
cars:: For
killing:: Against
britney spears:: Ahh AGAINST!
coffee:: against...unless they are capachinos???? (i cant spell but i think you got my point) or iced ones
pants:: For
WOULD YOU EVER
Sky dive:: Yeh
Play strip poker::did
Run away:: yeah
Curse at a teacher:: try not to
Not take a shower for a week:: no
Ask someone out:: yeah
Lie to someone to make them think better of you:: used to..but not anymore
Visit a foreign country for more than a month:: not for more than a month unless it was jamaica!! haha
Go scuba diving:: Yeh
Write a book:: try to maybe
Become a rockstar:: HAHA TRY TO
Have casual sex:: im gonna say yeah..but i guess you have to know what im thinking to understand it...aka daniel
LAST QUESTIONS
What shampoo do you use:: dove
Whens the last time you did something sexual with the opposite sex:: about 2 months ago
What kind of computer do you have:: idk it says sony???
What grade are you in:: 10th
Do you like to throw popcorn at people in the movies:: yeah...but sour patch kids work better if you lick em they stick!!
Just make out:: yah
How many posters do you have in your room:: about 15 or so
How many cds do you have:: lots
What time is it now:: 3:26 pm |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 30th, 2004|04:57 pm] |
i fear the day that the person i was talking about in the other journal will turn around and feel like this song.......................
"Nothing New"
I found myself wrong again
Starin out my window
Wonderin what it is I should have said
I found myself at home again
Waitin for the after call
From a fallout that feels like such a mess
Ohhhh I can only be myself
I'm sorry that's hell for you
Heyyy so what's my damage today
Don't let me get in your way
Let it out like you always do
The trouble between me and you
Is nothing new
So I listen to you complain and then
I bite my tongue in vain again
As I let it all just slowly settle in
Such a pretty picture that you paint
I'm so vile while your a saint
Funny how your eyes see thick not thin
Ohhhh I can only be myself
Your lookin for someone else
Heyyy so what's my damage today
Don't let me get in your way
Let it out like you always do
The trouble between me and you
Is nothing new
You know how to give it but you can't take it
It's all just a waste now you can save it
No matter what I do
Is never good enough, never good enough
Heyyy so what's my damage today
Don't let me get in your way
Let it out like you always do
The trouble between me and you
Is nothing new
Is nothing new
Save your breath cause here comes the truth
I'm over the drama of you
And that's something new
Well I'm starin' out my window
Wonderin' what it is I should have, said |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 30th, 2004|04:25 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pissed off | ] |
| [ | music |
| | ashlee simpson "nothing new" | ] |
well i havent updated it a long time. since then i think me and kate cleared everything up. she read my last journal and called me and told me that she didnt hate me she was just jealous. i tried to explain to her that i wasnt trying to get in between her and helena but it just kinda happened...so i think things got back to normal.
justin wanted to beat the hell out of charlie...he had a right. your best friend shouldnt go around trying to kiss your girlfriend. charlie is a cool person to hang out with...hes funny as hell adn what not but theres that line that you just dont cross when it comes to respect. and it seems like everytime you turn around hes pushing the line. i felt bad for justin b.c it wasnt the first time its ever happened to him...it just sucks..and i felt bad for kate b.c she felt like shit for telling justin b.c charlie didnt want to be friends with her anymore....which i see where she was coming from but i told her not to worry about it b.c she didnt do anything wrong...to me if she would have kept it from justin...thats when she would be doing something wrong. he did the craziest U-TURN on miller rd...i thought for sure i was dead.
i talked to daniel a couple of times...it sucks. i saw a for sale sign in his yard the other day...hes moving. when i saw it i started to cry. i felt like such a helpless little girl!! but i talked to dri..dri said that his dad was trying to sell the house for like 120,000.00 which he thinks it wont sell for...so maybe he wont.
what sucks is knowing that you would give your whole world to be with someone and knowing that that person wouldnt ever give you the chance to sacrafice it. knowing that the butterflies in your stomach felt when talking to him wont go away...no matter how much you try and tell yourself that you are just friends. your friends can tell you that your stupid and your going to get hurt b.c he has no feelings for you...but you cant help but NOT listen b.c somehow no matter how much he hurts you its never enough to make you get over him. it hurts thinking you knew someone...but then you realize you dont know a damn thing about them anymore b.c of how much they have changed.it sucks KNOWING that your being used...but it doesnt matter b.c your hoping that one day will come around and he will realize he has feelings for you too........idk i guess just some thoughts
i spent the week with my dad. i want to move in over there but when he yells its worse then being at my moms. i got so scared when he yelled at me. but i like it a lot over there. i found out he was still doing stupid shit..i mean yeah he doesnt have a job be he can get one. i like the money and all but its not worth it to me.
yeah it sucks when you know youve fucked up something that was meant to last. youve worked so long and cried so many times in fear that it wouldnt work out....but then all of a sudden you come to this point and you realize once you pick up the phone and talk to the person it wont ever be the same. you shouldnt work almost 2 years on something just to let it go. how come you cant love someone for who they are?? its like i caught myself always trying to change this person...i know that they thought i didnt love them for who they were or something along those lines but it wasnt that...i wanted that person to be the best person they could be. i wanted other ppl to get the chance to see who i saw in that person...but i knew "normal" ppl wouldnt stick around as long as i did to get the chance. i wish that person knew how much they still mean to me. and i wish i could actually say i knew that that person cared about me as much as i did them....i dont know what i was asking from that person i guess all together it was just too much.....there is so much i want to say that i havent but know i never could. theres so much i want to say again..b.c i dont think they listened. maybe i should just try and talk AGAIN...but im scared that that person wont listen to me or will be to busy with someone else when i call and it will just piss me off so bad. i dont know WHY i get soo pissed at dumb shit..i dont mean to, but i do and i hate myself for it sometimes....well im just blah blah blahing...and i have shit to do. i have drivers training at 6 so im just gonna get off here and start gettin my shit around....i will update on stuff later...i think i just pissed myself off again. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 5th, 2004|08:51 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | irritated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | maroon 5-she will be loved | ] |
im waiting for helena to get here. she invited me to her house to spend the night again since im not going to be able to see her until like tuesday. THAT SUCKS. i think thats the longest ive went without seeing her this WHOLE summer. its gonna be weird. she told me to give her my house key cuz she was gonna come over..haha I MIGHT! lol tom. is her last day of summer school..thats gotta feel good!!
i talked to kate and krystal today. it kinda makes me sad. i dont understand why kate hates me like she does. its like when i talk to her on the phone i get this weird feeling that right before she called me she was talking shit about me. i dont know why she even bothered calling me b.c i know she hates me soooo idk. i just feel like she talks about me behind my back and idk i guess i just dont understand it. it sucks b.c i seriously dont know what ive ever done to her...but oh well.
i put my knee through the coffee table today. i was chasing rico (the dog) around the coffee table b.c he had my hackie sack..so i figured im a lazy ass...i would just climb over the table instead of going around and around the table..well i tried that but it didnt work out to well. my knee went right though it and glass went everywhere. my mom wasnt even mad though..she seemed more concerned about me.
tom. i leave to go camping with sarah..that should be fun..but i still have lots of laundry to do so before school helenas gonna drop me back off at home so i can get my shit done.
i havent talked to my dad since hes gotten back..i dont even know if hes back that makes me sad....but idk helena should be here any minute so im gonna go.
ohhh yeah...kyms a liar i tried calling her i dont know how many times today and guess what she was too busy with?!?! KAM...oh well i guess its her loss now b.c i gave her chance after chance. its like she can talk to me but the min. kam gets there its a whole nother story...meh you win some you lose some..what can you do?!
well im off..write when i come back |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 5th, 2004|01:11 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | dirty..i need a shower! | ] |
| [ | music |
| | coheed and cambria | ] |
this weekend was the most fun time i have had in A LONG time. everytime kam and kym come around...(well kyle too) we have sooo much fun with them.....its like everytime they leave helena and i sit back and go "damn..that was sooo much fun..i havent had that much fun since ....well last time they were with us" im thinking about telling them that they cant ever come back b.c its way to hard telling them bye. especially kymberlie...i dont want her coming to flint to ever go away. i never have had her wanting to come down and see me, and now she does..it just scares that me that shes gonna go back to NOT coming down at all and what not i guess im just scared that she wont come down.
but we had a bon fire..kam, kyle, kym, helena and ME. it was soo much fun but before they got to helenas on sunday night they were pissing me off soo bad b.c they got off on the wrong exit and got LOST and then helena got them even more lost so they didnt get to helenas until like 1130...so that sucked.but they got there we had a HUGE fire..it kinda burned out when we were waiting for them to get there though. we got there and we had lots and lots of FUN! me and kam and helena were messed up. kym was taking care of ALL of us. she was our mom for the night rubbing our backs when we were puking, getting us all water..checking on us through the night.even though i was the most messed up out of all of them.. i was taking care of helena...holding her hair back when shes puking like ALWAYS! helena was the PIMP though..she got up and went to school the next morning. she shouldnt have went thought b.c she fell asleep and lost her points for the day. LMAO
the next day they had to leave and again i was soo fucking sad. i didnt want them to go..i wish they all lived down here..that would be the BEST thing that could happen!! never a dull moment when im with all of those ppl. even when we arent doing anything..its still fun!
ive been with helena like almost everyday..i stayed at her house 2 times and shes had to get up and go to school haha lol i love it.
yesterday we went and say my granny stacy. helena met her and loved her. my granny tells it how it is. i wanna get a job and help her out. all of the kids in the family always take from her and take advantage of her..and im not like that. i wanna be able to provide extra stuff for her that she wants and needs. she told me that grandpa got a clean bill of health. i guess hes out playing golf so he cant be that sick now. so im glad to hear that.
we went and tried to get my phone fixed but the STUPID person at the sprint store said that they couldnt do anything about ti but keep it there and test in for like 2 hrs or something stupid liek taht so i just left. i went into the parking lot and tried to call annie and my phone was being STUPID again...so i guess im just goign to have to have my mom take it up there or something.
today i havent done anything. i have to clean the house and get ready to pack and leave tom. for a camping trip with my hommie sarah! we are going to higgins lake...that should be fun. last time we went camping OMG we had the best time ever. i loved it. i had a talk with her last night and i hoped that she understood where i was coming from and hopefully we can still have fun together.
i made helena feel bad yesterday for not telling me something. i guess i just wanted to know. i wanted to know that helena could trust me but i guess kate was right. i do have a big mouth and spread ppls business and thats why she didnt wanna tell me. it made me sad but i felt like an asshole for making her feel like i was mad at her. i wasnt mad at her...i guess i just wanted her to trust me and when she didnt it was kinda like what kate said was proven right. OH WELL.
i had a great talk with kym last night. we both realized that we are growing apart from each other. its kinda weird not caring so much about kym..sometimes i dont feel alive cuz im not used to not caring so much. she told me somethings and i listened to what she had to say...i hope she wasnt just saying those things but i trust her that she wasnt just saying them. she went to bed cuz we were both cried out. lol maybe she can answer the question i had last night...but idk. she said that she did kinda wanna finish alking so maybe we can do it tonight or something...idk.
i talked to laci today. she wants to hang out before summers over and so do i. obiviously we need to do some catching up so hopefully we will end up hanging out.
this week or weekend helena and me are supposed to be going up to TC to see the 3 stooges (sp)but i dont wanna ask for anymore money. it seems like thats all i have been doing this WHOLE entire summer. but oh well i guess.
my dad comes back from hawaii either today or yesterday soo hopefully i will get to see him soon. i miss him soo much. i love him to death. i wanna move in with him and hopefully since he stopped doing his stupid shit...i will be able to.
i get to take drivers training if i havent already said that. helena knew like 2 weeks before i did and NEVER told me...what a retard. but im glad i get to take it...that way i can have a CAR.
oh and last night helena and i went looking for the guy that held up the scrub a dub car wash on bristol rd. but we couldnt find him. lol. what kinda of person would stick up a CAR WASH and no some nice place that has money?!?! tahts what you get for living in flint i guess...well i think im off for now. i will update later
amanda |
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| post in your journal!! |
[Jul. 30th, 2004|04:27 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
• × • C U R R E N T • × •
Clothes: blink 182 shirt..red basketball shorts
Music: 3 days grace
Make-up: none...i think make up is retarted!!
Annoyance: my mom
Smell: vanilla candle
Desktop picture: blue bubbles
Book you're reading: huh???
CD in player: enema of the state...blink 182
DVD in player: thirteen
• × • L A S T | P E R S O N • × •
You hugged: my little cousin alexis
You IMed: jeanna
You yelled at: kym
You kissed: helenas hand!!!
• × • A R E | Y O U • × •
Understanding: yes.
Open-minded: yes.
Arrogant: no i dont think so
Insecure: yes.
Random: sometimes
Hungry: yes
Smart: meh i can be
Moody: kinda...i can be
Hard working: if its something i want
Organized: jigga huh???
Healthy: umm NO!
Shy: in a way
Difficult: sometimes
Attractive: if you like UGLY!
Bored easily: umm it depends
Obsessed: no
Angry: hardly ever
Sad: lots lately
Happy: yes.
Hyper: not really
Trusting: ??????
• × • W H O | D O | Y O U | W A N N A • × •
Kill?: can i say myself??
Slap: kymberlie
Get high with: bob marley!! RIP
Talk to offline: jeanna....i wanna meet her
Talk to online:people i dont talk to often enough
• × • R A N D O M • ×
In the morning I am: not talkitive AT ALL
All you need is: bob marley and a good pillow and blanket to sleep with!
Love is: overrated
I dream about: being happy
• × • W H I C H | I S | B E T T E R • × •
Coke or Pepsi: pepsi
Flowers or candy:candy...flowers are stupid and die anyways
• × • W H O • × •
Makes you laugh the most: helena or kate!!! piss fest!
Makes you smile: my friends or the ppl on the boost commercials...the old people "where you at?"
Gives you a funny feeling when you talk to him/her???: ??????
• × • D O | Y O U | E V E R • × •
Sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone special to IM you?: no
Save conversations: depends sometimes i do
Wish you were a member of the opposite sex?: sometimes it seems guys have it easier
Wish you were younger: sometimes...i wish i was like 6 and the only thing i worried about was a broken crayon
Cried because someone said something to you?: hate to admit it but yeah...what else is supposed to hurt you?
• × • N U M B E R • × •
Of times I have had my heart broken:only about 5 and they werent over boys
Of hearts I have broken: i dont think any!!
Of CD's I own: quite a few...some im ashamed of but hey...
Of scars on my body: i dont count them
Of things that I regret: ashamed to say...too many to count
• × • Y O U R | T H O U G H T S • × •
I know: only death in certain
I want: to make myself happy
I have: to have a fan blowing in my face when i sleep
I wish: i dont wish...they never come true
I hate: i dont hate
I fear: being alone
I hear: a fan
I search for: ????i havent found it
I wonder: how im gonna be when i get older
• × •First• × •
crush: ian brown
person you kissed: ???? idk i used to kiss him behind the teachers desk everytime we had "drink" time!!
guy you loved: idk...maybe kyle but i think im still too young for that.
person you hit: anthony brown
memory of school:?????
band you loved: its gotta be spice girls or hanson?!?!? take your pick!!!
really good friend: probably elizabeth delaughter
house: brandon st. i THINK
time you moved: no idea?? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 30th, 2004|02:42 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | curious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | seether "broken" | ] |
its like 2:51 in the morning and im on the computer???? i havent taken my medicines in a LONG time so i have no clue why im still staying up until ungodly hours of the night....
earlier todays post featured my PAL helena. shes a dork. to be honest that girl has been my life saver through the summer...she makes me smile when i dont want to. the only thing i hope is that she isnt getting sick of me....i dont know why she hasnt ran and hid from me yet???? shes a funny as hell person to be around...the energy around he isnt ever negative...and the couple of times it was i think i was there for her the best i could be. shes such an easy person to talk to her, i have told her something that i havent really told anyone else only because i know the same exact thing happened to her. she was kinda shocked but meh...
me and her have been together like non stop this whole summer...even when i got grounded she still snuck over my house but shhh dont tell my mommy. all of my moms friends love her and tell me thats their favorite friend of mine. that kinda means a lot. they obiviously see a good person in helena like i do. im scared of getting as close and kinda as attached as i have been getting to her, b.c in all actuality she is a senior and will be graduating next year. going to Duke?!?!? haha probably Mott!!! if we're lucky. oh perhaps baker so that she can have a spare key to my house and eat up all my damn food at lunch time when im not even here?!?! idk shes just an awesome person that i hope doesnt go anywhere anytime soon
today we went to the campsite which was totally bogus!! haha i just used the word bogus!! well the whole time mom was screaming at kids that arent hers about stuff that doesnt need to be screamed about. we are supposed to be staying the whole weekend out there but from what i seen today...i really dont want to be stuck out there for the whole weekend so we are gonna stay tom. night and then try and get home sat. afternoon. plus kates coming to flint. helena wants to have a bon fire at her house on saturday...wonder if her rents will let her?!?!
OHHH i got a splinter in my ass today. i was sitting at the picnic table today eating my sandwich minding my own business...i get up to help put stuff away....but instead of just standing up and walking around the picnic table i SLIDE to get to the end of the table and in the midst of that i get like 14 splinters in my ass and ruin my shorts all at the same time. it sucked soo bad...but OHH everyone got their laughs out of it. funny???? i think NOT!!! my boo~tay hurt!!
i met a new person online. her name in jeanna. she seems cool as shit. and yes shit is cool?!?!? i guess. she wants me to meet her at the mall at 3 on sunday...i hope im back from camping then b.c i will take krystal up there with me bc i guess they know each other from like freshmen year or something like that. idk i guess im excited that i actually met someone that isnt a weirdo online.
tonight i had a talk with my friend kymberlie. things arent normal...and i dont think that they will ever be. i kinda dont want them to be, she doesnt deserve to have me like she used to. shes messed up to many times. im not saying like im some awesome prize or anything, but i know she doesnt deserve to treat me like that and i dont deserve to get treated like that. but tonight we had a talk...it was a good talk. im glad that i finally had that talk with her, i hope she doesnt think that everythings alright now between me and her just b.c of that talk. i thought i was taking that to the grave with me...but haha i told kymberlie.i miss her but at the same time...i really dont. i guess its just something hard to understand and i really dont want to put myself or my other friends in that same situation again. kate told me the other night that i would stop being friends with ALL my other friends before i would stop being friends with kymberlie and that kinda hurt a little bit because that isnt true. i honestly dont think i would do that...i mean look at my track record with kymberlie but ...i can honestly say that i dont think i would pick her over like kate, helena,sarah, or beth. my good friends at least.
sarah got pissed at me tonight. says i always get off the phone with her for kym. says i talk shit and say i dont want to talk to kym but then turn around and get off the phone with her for kym...but i had been trying to get a hold of her like all day b.c i didnt think we finish our talk that she wanted to talk to me about and now i undersatnd why. she didnt want me talking in front of other ppl and what not.....i dont want sarah mad at me, this summer i have kinda realized how important her friendship is to me. i know she will be there for me no matter what and to me nowadays is important to me.
i want to be able to take drivers training this summer and if im not able...that would SUCK.i want to live with dad. lately i have noticed how much i dont like living here with the people in this house. they are sooo much different then me. and im glad taht we are different...b.c i dont want to be like them. they make me proud to be who i am...and thats something hard to do!!!
I MISS TIMONE!!!! S.O.S. please help me!!! i was reading some of my old journals and posts that he commented in my journal and it made me miss him a lot. i have tried to talk to him a couple of times online but he just wasnt having any of it. i guess he just doesnt believe me when i say that im sorry and that i miss him....i really dont blame him though. but i do miss him a lot!!
i have to do laundry. that sucks. i have to go camping and act like a family tom.!!! that will be FUN!!
for right now im making new friends online?!!?!? jeanna and matt. YAY. write later
amanda |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 29th, 2004|02:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  dorky | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Wake up (3 days grace) | ] |
So...wuts new guys? although ive been ungrounded 4 a while now it still kinda feels like iam.Not really but thats OK!! I get baked and have so much fun with my PAL!! Um..Jeff is really gay! I really have been fighting the urge of gouging out his eyeballs with a spork! I really want to! Anywho onto happier stuff...Today me and Helena washed RASTRO with those awesome palmolive dish rags! It was grreat!Oh yea and to let everyone know, brace yourselves cuz in the year 2017 there's gonna be a new olympic game in the olympics called laLLAMAcrosse. It's lacrosse with a twist to it! you have to ride a llama while you play! It's SWEET!!IM gonna be the captain and Helenas gonna be the star of the team! she knows how 2 ride llamas really good! UM....anyway the past 2 weekends we went up 2 traverse city! It was fun especially the first weekend! Kam, me, helena and kams best friend Kyle hung out.we went 2 the drive inn & we clam baked in the stro!haha! helena likes kyle and the roof of the stro!haha! then we went up there this past weekend, Krystal went with us.. kym and board got home round 2:30 sat morning! we did alot of 2 tracking! it was great! but Imma bizzOUNCE! were going to a campsite! L8ER DUDES! -AmAnDa* |
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| quick update |
[Jul. 15th, 2004|02:53 am] |
well for right now im just going to say im off groundation...soo thats GOOD.
mom doesnt trust me, dad doesnt really care...all he cares about is grades.
kyms messing up her life, and all i can do is sit back and watch the tragic events happen.i made her choose, and Im not a person that usually makes ppl choose and with her I was REALLY scared that she wasnt going to choose me...but she says she has so maybe she will work on it.
shes in a bit of trouble for some shit but she might come back this weekend..if she does she wants me to ride with craig or her mom to go get her..im gonna drag kam along with me so i have someone to talk to and maybe i can get through to the kid!!
krystal thinks im hoing her out on purpose f.y.i. my mom is a dumbass and is now picking my friends for me and says shes going to "talk about it" when she gets home...but then doesnt b.c JEFFS HERE!!
Jeffs a dumb fuck, lazy ass who cant support his family b.c he has NO JOB. well would you consider a car wash a job for a 36-37 yr.old man with a kid a wife who has another kid??? All he does is sit around drink beer and watch T.V. but somehow amanda gets in trouble if she farts in the living room of her own damn house b.c "jeff was brought up to think that was disrespectful" I have lived in this damn house longer than he has. mom changes when shes around him..and she wonders why i hate him and her and this house!?!?!?
I want to move in with my dad, but I dont know if I can take drivers training now b.c of me gettin into trouble... THAT BLOWS!!!and w.o my license dads pry not going to let me move it.
my medicine keeps me up LATE and i sleep ALL DAY. so thats STUPID.
i spent a lot of time with sarah the last couple of days, we tipped the camper and seen a coon the size of...well..something LARGE. but i will tell you more about the "camping" trip later.
i lost kate in the midst of getting close to helena...and i guess kyms upset about it too but she hides and denies it...sooo idk.
i wrote in alys journal to let her know that im not mad at her b.c i have came to my senses and realiezed that i needed to GROW up.
i was supposed to go to the movies with krystal...and get this.. SHANA yesterday!! but my cell phone was being stupid i guess, and i just thought krystal was hoing me out for shana...and krsytal thought i was hoing her out. but i hope that gets to happen sometime, i was scared how it was going to work out but also im kinda just ready to settle all the conflicts i have with shana. im not trying to take krystal away from her anymore (i really wasnt before), and i have realized that shana has matured and has tried to reach out and think before she speaks which says a lot for a person who i thought had no heart.
it was weird..i was sooo ready to be ungrounded but then when i was around ppl 24/7 i just wanted to come home to have only a couple ppl to talk to and be by myself. funny huh??
well this friday i think im taking a trip up to TC. I hope that will be fun, i miss sheila. and also it was craigs bday today..44!!! so maybe i will bake him a cake. but im excited to be hanging out with kam again...that kids awesome, we have a shit load of fun when we are together...and THIS TIME IM GONNA SEE MY ANNIE!!! yup, forget what my mom says...what does her opinion matter?!?!?! ...haha that was funny.
P.S. there are 2 ppl that I know who have live journals who havent contacted me since we have been outside of school besides the day after. and that would be Kendra and Laci.
OMG I MISS KENDRA soooo much, i thought i could just slip away and not be friends with her b.c to be honest ididnt want to get close to her knowing that she wasnt going ot be going to carman next year and have the oppurtunity of one of my close friends getting snatched from me b.c of it...but boy have i realized that im wrong. if you see this plez let me know I MISS YOU.
and LACI that girl is just awesome...shes got the best personality...anyone who wants a good friend and someone to make you happy on one of your shitiest days, talk to laci. i miss us laughing for a least 15 min. a day in 6th hour...so that goes for you too...get a hold of me plez. i alway have my mobile of just im me or something.
we all had plans of going to warpped...me kate justin helena kym and kam...but now i dont know if were gonna go. first kate said she didnt wanna go and now ppl wanna go to the blink and no doubt show but i dont know where, when, how much..sold out??...anythign about this one so i guess we will see. i will update when my eyes are 3/4 of the way shut.
night night
amanda |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 23rd, 2004|10:13 pm] |
this weekend was fun, i hung out with randyl and everyone in that clique over there. i did some spring cleaning i guess you could say, and i got rid of somethings that pry werent good for me. does anyone on here think that im IMMATURE?!?!? if you do, plez let me know and tell me how i am immature so i can stop that from happening again!! i hate when ppl are soo stuck on things that have happened soo long ago. BUT OH WELL.
this friday kyms gonna come down and i cant wait. its gonna be so fun, we get to go see shrek 2 together and spend the whole day together. after school lee me and beth are gonna drive to where ever shes at and spend time wiht her, and then i imgaine i will just stay with her and we are gonna hang out the rest of the day. and then this weekend im gonna go camping with all of them if we can get a way there. but i gotta go. i will update later!!! |
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| second thoughts |
[May. 19th, 2004|11:29 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | laci makes me smile! | ] |
| [ | music |
| | ying yang twins - me and my brother! | ] |
yesterday was fun, i hung out with dri dan and ron came with us too. we wasted a lot of time though but finally made our way to the park....but while we were up at the corner store and they were sk8ing megan marie spotted me while she was at the ice cream shop across the street....i didnt know who she was at first so i had to run my fat ass across the street to find out!! i gave her a hug, and she told me she missed me AWWW..i miss you too playdough!! i ate some of her ice cream too!! HAHA hope shes stayin out of trouble and ppl are watchin out for her b.c i know that little miss megan needs to be watched out for. yesterday i hung out with dri, and i havent done that in a while. i miss him, we used to have good times in 4th grade-6th grade and idk i guess we just lost touch. for some reason though, i kept running into his ex girlfriend today.. grr. but anyways everything was fine yesterday until i left them. then this morning i found out that i cant trust them with nothing of mine. i mean its not a big deal, but the fact that they are supposed to be my friends and they know that im not selfish should be enough for them to say nah its okay we can wait. so today i was kinda pissed...dan looked sad and like he was really sorry, but i dont know if i should believe him or not. oh well, what are you gonna do yah know?!?!
last night after i came home, i talked to kym. but before i talked to kym, i talked to my mommy that lives up north and she told me that kym lied to her and what not, and it just wasnt good. and she was with ALY so that was a double negative!! i talked to her and what not, she acted like it was no big deal and i could tell that she was back to the way she used to be, first lying and then not giving a damn about who shes lying to. when i was on the phone with her, i was thinking the whole time and before we got off the phone i told her that i didnt want to talk for a couple days or w.e and at first shes like "haha your funny. noo" and i was like "yeah seriously, i need to think" so finally she gave in and was like "okay w.e bye.. i guess i will talk to you whenever." in a sad/pissed voice. and i knew she was waiting for me to be like "no no, its fine. if you really want me to call i will call you tom. after school" but i didnt i said okay and then bye. no i love yous were enchanged. but i honestly think i need to be by myself, at least w.o kym for a while cuz stuff has really been bothering me with that situation. like i first had doubts b.c she used me and abused me like no other. im like kyms rag doll, when she doesnt have her other better/new toys, she comes back to me-the rag doll- when they break. like when those other toys arent around its okay to hug her rag doll, and admit she cares about it but when they are around she just doesnt know how to be nice to the reliable toy that shes had forever and hasnt ever broke down on her. i have thought that i need to teach her that amanda isnt always gonna be around for her to fall back on.. (i know i will be) but maybe i will be able to show her that i wont be around always and that one day i will be pushed away and she wont have anyone to blame but herself. and then yesterday when,i recognized the kym that i used to know..the one i met in like dec. of last year....was coming back..i wanted to run as fast as i could and as far as i could. i hate the person that she was, and if that person is just going to come back b.c of kam and aly fucking up i dont need to be around that. i dont need to fix their mistakes...if shes just going to throw everything i worked so hard on changing for them, then i dont really need to have my best friend treat me like that. i mean i know that i will always be friends with kym, and she will always be someone taht i want to keep in my life in the long run...but maybe for right now maybe her and i arent meant to be friends. so last night before we got off the phone i told her that i didnt want to talk for a couple days and she got pissed i think and finally agreed and i think tahts best. i can think things out and like laci said maybe she will realize what shes missing, and that theres an awesome person to miss, and if she doesnt miss it...then fuck her she doesnt deserve to be my friend.
so for now, im gonna take it easy give my brain a rest, but still think things out...at least i wont have to fix other ppls mistakes. but laci if you read that I FLIPPIN LOVE YOU MAN! weekend after memoral were haning out. somehow you have gotten me to trust you in a SHORT period of time. im glad that we met and im glad we talked. we are some crazy ass mo fos and your an awesome person. good luck with neil and i only hope that i can help you sometime as much as you have helped me with this stuff. LOVE YOU SHREK 2 IS GONNA BE FUNNN!!! later girk!
right now im headed off to hang with dri dan and ron again. so i will post later. and please do the annoymous post!!
manda |
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| please do this!!! |
[May. 18th, 2004|08:52 pm] |
Post anything that you want, and post it anonymously.
Anything.
A story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love - anything.
Be sure to post anonymously and honestly. Post twice if you'd like.
Then, put this in your Journal to see what your friends (and perhaps others who you don't
even realize read your Journal) have to say.
Please do this, im really curious to know what you think about me....dont worry i cant find out who you are so write honestly and thell me what you think pa pa pa please!!
amanda s. stacy |
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| Should I Really Start Again??? |
[May. 17th, 2004|11:51 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | maybe i shouldnt have told him | ] |
| [ | music |
| | stories-trapt | ] |
alright well its 1152 on a monday night, and im not in bed yet. yeah so what i have a 75 point test tommorrow in a class that im not exactly passing, who cares right?!?! WRONG...im soo worried about my grades right now. i honestly dont know whats happening to me, im just slipping up. my focus is off and i havent really been able to keep myself on track.
Well this past week I stayed the WHOLE week with my daddy. I LOVED IT THERE. I was sooo happy, so at ease, so laid back, so okay with being at home. I loved it, he made me cry one night just b.c i feel kinda bad like hes obligated now to take care of me, and i dont want him to be in that spot, i would feel totally bad if he felt like he was obligated to take care of a kid that wasnt his yah know?!?! well on sat. he kinda scared me....he came home piss ass drunk, and went and raced his hot rod at the cruise. I cried that night too, i was soo scared for 1 he couldnt even walk into my room without falling over stuff for 2 i knew he was going to be racing his baby, and alcohol and fast engines dont mix well and 3 i knew he was going to have massive amounts of weed on him, and if he gets caught with anything, or does anything wrong my chances of being happy and me living with him are cut! But I Loved it over there, Im sure this summer I will be fine and hopefully this summer will carry over to the next school year. I will have my car in Jan. so it will be fine. but idk. When I was over dads I went like 3 days at school w.o a hoody on!! IMPRESSIVE FOR ME.
Well this weekend I went with Justin and Helena to get Kate. UGH I LOVE THAT GIRL. actually I love just being with kate justin and helena, theres never a dull moment!! I cant even really tell you all that we did, but I know that we had fun. Kate put her tampon on a tree, and her and Justin had sex in the back of the van on the way to Midland. He broke the van, but SHHH dont tell Helena!! We had to say goodbye and on the ride back I was looking out the window and everyone was quiet and i started sheding tears cuz i miss kate, and i hate her having to leave all the time. I hate the fact that she cant be happy, and her friends cant be happy w.o her. THATS OKAY KATE, YOUR COMING TO LIVE IN MY ATTIC...well we have to ask dad first. 2 kids that arent his not too sure about how hes gonna react to that one!!
Yesterday I came home from dads and mom didnt hug me the whole time i was home. i bet she said 100 words to me at the most. W.e I didnt even miss her, when shes gone i usually would talk to her everynight, but I talked to her once, told her I would call her back cuz i was sleepin but didnt b.c i didnt wanna talk to her. She actually brought it up to me today liek "you didnt miss me did you?" and i didnt know what to say, i didnt know if i should lie and say yeah or avoid giving an answer. I just said "you really think that?? why?" and i kinda avoided giving her an answer. I felt bad, but I didn miss her. And why would I, I came home and NO HUG was given. MY sister got like 15 things from Vegas and I got a pillow and a key chain. Im likin the pillow but still.
Today I told dad about mom not huggin me and he flipped out...I swear hes gonna kill my mom one night...hes got a bad temper and a lot to be mad at my mom about. Idk, sometimes I feel so carught. I mean I know that I want to choose my dad, but at the same time I love my mom. I know I say that I hate her, and that I dont want anything to do with her...but thats my mom. No matter what shes done, shes still gonna be my mom and Im still gonna be her daughter. Idk, I feel guilty for some reason and Im not sure why...if that makes sense.
my life right now idk. somedays are up and some days are down. some aspects are good and some aspects are bad. like my friends, in some sense i feel like im lucky to have the friends that i have and the friends that i have are awesome and pull me through all the shit that i go through. that w.o my friends i would be lost with all of this stuff, but in some ways its kinda like my friends drag me through a lot of shit. some friends more than others..and some friends not at all. im not saying that i dont want to be there for them, and i dont want to help them but sometimes its just like they dont really think of me before saying certain things. i dont mean to sound selfish at all, but sometimes i just want to slap them in the face and be like "are you serious??? did you really just say that to me??" like i feel like some of my good friends take my kindness for a sign of weakness and think its okay to walk all over me. like my bestfriend kym UGH that kids gonna be the death of me i swear.
This weekend it was said that kam told aly that he was tired of kym and bored of her and she was annoying, and that he said that if no one would have found out about them fuckin it would still be happening. So again liek the other 54545 times, i was there for her. Talking to her as much as i could, calling her ALL the time...burning up cell phone minutes just to sit in silence..but so that she coudl know i was there for her. i sat on the phone friday IN A CAR on the way to cadillac just to listen to her and tell her its okay. well its all good when shes fighting with all of her other friends that are more important to her than me, its cool she can talk to me then....but when kam or aly come around and deny what they do and say "no i didnt do that" i mean shit to her. she wouldnt notice me from a stranger walking down the street if aly or kam were in front of her. i mean i know that i will always be there for her, and i wont ever leave her side but lately i kinda been like "i dont care no more"...how does she know that the next time she wants to talk to me for 4 hours with her crying and me pissing my day away just to make it so that shes okay and knows that im there fo her, then she can let me go when kam gets there and he can just says he didn do something. the next time she acts like i dont exist when hes around, how does she know i wont ask her to never speak to me again, how does she know that i wont tell her never to write me nor talk to me online. how does she know that i will never tell her to forget me and move on with her life up there like she obiviously does when things are going good with her and kam and aly. how does she know that i WONT be pushed to far, and one day i will just bust and say fuck it all. say dont call, write, im me....in fact act liek i dont exist. move on and forget me and i will do the same, it will proabably be A LOT easier for her to forget me then it would be for me to forget her but oh well. like i have very little feelings left now a days, for some reason i feel empty and i dont feel anything. i dont feel really bad or pitty anyone, idk its hard to explain...but the feelings i do have i dont want to waste on the ppl that are going to just piss on them. some how i always end up caring for the ppl that i shouldnt. HMMM idk its like 1 15 now. i just talked to a friend i havent talked to in A LONG time, we had an interesting convo. and im gonna hang out with him and dan tom. should be fun. but im tired. WRITE TOM. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 27th, 2004|08:49 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  giddy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Usher "Thats What Its Made For" (its about a condom) | ] |
this past week or so has been kinda hectic. well to start things off kate wanted to run away last night and i imgaine still wants to today. Someone special told her somethings that scared her, and she wants to do anything in her power to not let those things become her reality. i respect kate for that, i mean i highly doubt it was a smart thing to do, but i mean...the girls gotta do what the girls gotta do. shes gotta take care of her business. i havent talked to her today yet...and i feel bad cuz i know that i was supposed to call her and what not b.c she called my cell phone and left me a mess. and what not soo i do feel kinda bad.
last weekend i had a pretty fun weekend..i was like busy the whole entire time. i havent had a full weekend like that in a long time when i was always out doing something and being busy...it was kinda fun actually. friday night i hung out at a freinds house, we had a 7 hour conversation. no t.v., no music, just 2 couches, a lamp and a lot of stuff on our minds. it was AWESOME it was WOW lol. im looking forward to more of those times. we had a fun time, eating gummie bears, watching movies, spillin out their water everywhere just b.c they laughed b.c i laughed.... we had to use kleenex to wipe b.c they were all out of toilet paper. KINDA SUCKED.lol it was all good though, and then i busted out my NEW "motorized" toothbrush, i think that was the best part...i got to brush my teeh with my new toothbrush. something was in the air over there, i felt all HIGH AND MIGHTY. it was cool though, did go to bed till 3 woke up to the dog barkin and whining to have attention..eehhhh. we were lazy and didnt take showers, we stunk but we didnt mind each others oders. lol well i ended up leavin over there b.c my mommy came and got me b.c i had plans with kate and helena and what not.
i came home, finally showered and got ready. mom and i went to go tan, but we were too late so i just told kate and helena to come and get me. they did, on the way i heard that i "wasnt friends" anymore with someone real close to me. that kinda sucked, i just kinda had to act that it didnt bother me and like i already knew it. we had a BLAST at the bowling ally!! we were being so stupid, me and Kate made an awesome handshake i was proud of it. then everyone came, and now we arent allowed back into the bowling ally anymore b.c we were a distrubence. THAT SUCKS...but hey i got a sponge bob out of the whole thing...my kater won it for me. AWWW well helena drove me home and we talked a bit, she sat in my drive way for like 15 min. talking actually. it was kinda cool, i miss talking to that girl.
got home, talked on the phone....and i might have called beth that night even idk i cant remember. i think i did, and she helped me a lot. finally i got sleepy and took my tired ass to bed.
sunday was a bum day...talked to kym and what not. talked to beth later in the day, and KATE actually ended up coming over here. i fed her cherrios and we watched 13 together. then she had to leave, and 5 min later i get a call sayin shes gettin bitched at...i wanted to go get her and bring her back here right then but idk i couldnt i guess. i talked to krystal i THINK, and i talked to kym and went to bed.
I did A LOT of thinkin over the weekend. I think that everything happens for a reason, and sometimes I have learned that I do have to watch out for myself. I cant control completely what other ppl do or what they think about me and the situation, all I can do is be myself and do what I think is right...beyond that I cant do anything else. I get annoyed when ppl say that I dont think for myself, that someone else is makin me do something b.c I KNOW that I dont listen to other ppl when they say stuff. I have to figure it out on my own. You can even ask Kym about that, its like she would try and give me advice about something a week before, and I would then come back to her and be like "oh yeah, you were right i should of done that" b.c i have to think for myself. I cant stand ppl telling me how to think or what to do, b.c I dont really trusts anyones judgement, sometimes not even my own but i still trust mine more then a lot of other ppls. I do pay attention to what a few say, Kym, and Kate for example, b.c I know that they have my best interest in mind when tellin me something. But I realized that I do have friends that support me, and will stand by me through w.e I go through. These next couple weeks might be hard to get through, but I think I will have to get through.
With Lee and Beth and Kym and my other friends support I know that I can get through it. I hate when ppl live by 2 set of rules, one for theirself and a different set for everyone else.
But it kinda sucks knowing that a person meant everything to you, and you meant shit to them...maybe Im blind though hell idk...but thats the worst feelin in the world.
This week I really have to clean up my act and start doing some damned homework. Im slackin off a lot in school and its all catchin up to me QUICK. BY the end of the year I still have to write SIX papers....eehhhhh bad thought. But hopefully I can get myself together and start on this garbage.
I talked to Kym today and shes got MONO. Poor kid, I wish I was there to take care of her, I dont know if I could help any how, but I would like to just be there for her to let her know shes not by herself. I heard kams taking care of her, so shes good..I heard about him saying stuff that sounded like he knew what he was doing...so Im okay wiht that lol. She sounds soo pitiful...I feel so bad for her, I wish I could have it instead of her. HAHA This crazy girl has like 65654 differnt articles of clothing of mine, and I guess today to the doctors she wore my pajama pants, and her mom was like "Whos are those?!?! Get dressed" and shes like "NO, there amandas" and her mom started to laugh and goes "What do you think they will make you feel better?!?!" and kym goes "YEP". haha I heart her. She even asked me to come take care of her, I want to just go and give her a hug and baby her for just a little bit and I would feel better. I hope she gets better soon.
Well this week, at least by today, I realized that I may have "lost" a friend, but I think I have gained quite a few. Lee and I, I think can start our friendship out on the right foot now a days. Beth, shes been a life saver...she hasnt put her own personal opinion about things into her advice to me...shes thought of what would work for me and what I should do. IF SHE DID,she would have told me to listen to my doctor a week ago...but she was one of the ones who said not to. Actually next weekend I wanna hang out with them...I mentioned bowling to them..maybe eh.
Helena- I realized that no matter how long I go w.o talking to her, shes still got my back for me and is lookin out for me. I love her, shes always down for having fun and being a good friend I miss her.
Kym-her and I have grown pretty close lately, I never thought I would admit it...but I think that me and kym have a better friendship with her living up there then when she was down here. When she was down here I MADE A BIG DEAL OF EVERYTHING. I always fought with her, and at some points I even think I took the fact that she was always around, for granted.
Arielle and i have began talking again, we actually have talked on the phone twice since the weekend. You have no idea how long its been since that happened...thats like ol school...6or 7th grade man. Its cool though, I even got a note the other day.
All in all I think I have just been ok, I notice that I have friends that do love and care for me and are there for me...My days are getting better and I know that whatever happens is meant to happen. Im not saying that I close the book forever, lock it and throw away the key, Im just saying that the book that I have wrote with my "bestfriend" this year, has to be shut and put on a shelf until that person can prove to me its worth it to them and that they really wanna be friends with me and are willin to change over it...if not, i cant do anymore.. i have tried a lot more then anyone thought I should but hey, im stubborn and THINK FOR MYSELF.
Well kids, now I think this is where I say goodbye and close this entry and leave you hanging for the next dramatic segment in a couple days, or hell maybe even a couple of weeks. So leave me a comment if ya wanna or something. But Im gonna go and talk to ppl online. |
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| Friendships Unhealthy???? |
[Apr. 24th, 2004|01:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  Impressed with MYSELF!! | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Twista "Badunkadunk" | ] |
Well, I havent updated this thing in the longest time ever...like a week actually. Well a lot has happened in this past week.The main things that I have been thinking about a lot are my dad, and my friends. Im actually quite confused about lots of things.
Well yesterday I got news from Timone that he got a job offer in California...holy crap...thats a long ways away for my Timone to move. I mean I know we really dont talk a lot anymore, but I still wouldnt want to see him go all the way out there. That would be a sad day. But I mean I guess if he thinks things would be good out there for him then I would want to see him happy, and going to California. I hope that we could do something before he left, and actually give him a formal good-bye if he does leave...like maybe my mom will let me be in his presence. DOUBT IT!!
Stuff with my Dad is kinda crazy. He told me some bad news, it kinda scared me....well actually scared me A LOT. If something happens to my dad now, I honestly dont know what I would do. I would go BONKERS if I didnt have the chance to live with him anymore because of his actions. I would be sooo....IDK but I would be a lot of it. (if that makes sense) Yeah he scared me b.c yesterday he called me in 5th hour, and I thought that the phone call had some bad news attached to it...but it didnt...he was just calling to tell me he was going fishing and if I needed anything to get a hold of him before 5 or 6. DINKIS Well he told me that he was cleaning up his act, that he was done. That he wasnt doing anything anymore, and that his house was cleaned out. Well I stepped into his house yesterday, and I seen traces of my dad being a liar..(if you get what im saying)
MY mom and I WERE doing good for a weekend, then she thought I was "okay" and didnt have to act like she cared anymore. That I was feeling better, and that I would stay like that. I dont care anymore about that, honestly b.c I get my hopes up everytime me and my mom get along but it always ends up in a really bad way....Perhaps like last weekend.
Now for this friends thing. Well on Wed. we had a half day. I came home and Krystal called. She went on a rampage about how she was supposed to be haning out with Lee and calling Beth a "fat whore" and w.e she could call her. It was pretty gay. I tried talking to her about it, but it started frustrating me A LOT. She couldnt listen to the other side of things at all, I was getting soooo mad. I felt like thats the only thing that she wanted to talk about, was Beth. And sorry, but when Im talking to you, I dont want to hear about another person 24/7 and in a negative way at that. I wasnt really even mad at the fact that she was talking about BETH, it was more of the fact that it became a PROBLEM for our friendship. She was soo concerned about Beth and I's friendship coming in the way of our friendship, but in all actuality she was the one creating the problem. She wasnt the "problem" but the way she handled this situation was. Its not that if we stopped being friends that it would be b.c of Beth, it would be b.c how poorly Krystal handled this situation. She pushing me away, every comment she makes with Beths name in it Im gone even further. I just dont understand it anymore b.c its like she would rather fight with beth, and worry about hating beth, then worry about me or our friendship. Personally I think shes being quite selfish, if she really "cared" about me, and Im her bestfriend..shouldnt she be thikning about the positiion that Im being put in right now??? I think she should, Im not saying that shes all the way wrong about this, b.c I do understand her at some points, but shes taking this thing waaayyy too far. People are not taken away, they leave or in some cases are pushed away.Well I actually got news from my Doctor that the situation with that wasnt healthy...when you hear that this is affecting your health what are you supposed to do? I told her what my doctor said, in hopes of her wanting to change her ways but that didnt happen. I didnt listen to my doctor, I got good advice from a friend. She said that if i just gave up on our frienship, that it would be just like throwing my problems away and not dealing with them...and that was really true. It was a way I didnt look at it, and it was helpful. But I just hope that Krystal really sees what shes doing, and stop worry about what "Beths doing". I know that she thinks that this whole thing is beths fault, and that beth is taking me away...I know thats exactly what she thinks but thats not it. I started talking to beth again to make peace, and thats where it ended. Krystal is the one pushing...not me. SOOOO IDK OH WELL. Lifes a bitch then you die.
Well I had fun last night, it was like 7 hours of constint conversation. CRAZYNESS. but awesome. GOOD TIMES
Today Im supposed to be hanging out with Kate and Helena. GLOW BOWLING PERHAPS?!?! YESSSS!! Krystal was supposed to come, but I guess she was too busy or something. I always have fun when im with kate and helena, so its all gravy. Kym was supposed to come down, but surprise, surprise SHE DIDNT SHOW UP!!
Well IDK im being rude, so Im going to get off this thingy and eat gummie bears!! LOL LMAO!!
Anyone who reads this, dont get offened. Those were my thoughts...Please try to look at BOTH SIDES of things and understand where I was coming from. SORRY if you took this the wrong way, thats not what i intended.
LATER (THATS WOW)
Amanda |
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| Tims Gpa rents porn?!?!?!?! |
[Apr. 14th, 2004|06:19 pm] |
i talked to kate last night, she said that i shouldnt worry about it and that i did the right thing. i hope shes right, maybe i should trust her?!?! idk. i just feel bad about the whole situation. i just put myself in the middle of a whole bunch of drama, but i guess if that person knew something like that concerning me i would want to know...maybe i did do the right thing. idk. but if it was the right thing to do why does it feel so wrong?? kate said that its just like if i found out justin was cheating on her, even though it would crush her, she would want me to tell her. thats what a real friend would do, no matter how much the truth hurts, a lie would only hurt worse. and if i found out justin was cheating on her, and didnt tell her and then kate found out that he was cheating AND that i knew about it, she wouldnt only be sad about justin, but she would feel betrayed by me, that i kept it from her. maybe i should look at it like that. i guess i just dont know how to look at it.
i talked to the person i feel like i hurt last night and they said that i shouldnt worry about it and that its better that i told them so that they could get out of the situation. and they asked me would i rather them stay in that situation knowing what was really being said and done?!?! well of course the answer was no, and that person made a good point. i just hope thats really how they feel. i tried being a good honest friend, i really did, i just dont know if it was the right way to go about stuff.
KATES NEGATIVE!!!! YAHOOOOOOO!! i wasnt prepared to be auntie amanda, not yet anyways. but geez, what does this girl need to make her stop humping like a jack rabbit?!?!? something needs to scare her, and make her realize that being preg. is reality and CAN happen to her. she should know by her mommy. but idk, i love her now, and would love her prego.
i talked to tim today on the phone today. we have lost touch and you can definetely tell. i know im not as big of a deal to him as i used to be, but maybe thats good for him. all i did was complain and make big deals over nothing, maybe it was time for him to move on and do things that TIM needs to do. idk i miss him. BUT OH GEEZ. HES GPA RENTS PORN. i died laughing when i heard that. his grandpa is my hero.......well not b.c he watches porn, but just cuz hes soo darn awesome!!
i got stuck doing laundry today, i wanna go to church but idk if krystal still wants me to be goign with her. i think im getting on her nerves a bit and annoying her. if i was her, i would be annoyed with some little freshmen fat ass too. but i think i need to write her an email and ask her some stuff and get it off my chest. i pry already know what shes going to say but still i need to tell her.....
kyms dumb. i dont even know why i bother with that girl anymore. honestly, shes nothing but problems for me. when has kymberlie ever considered my problems something that she needs to help me with?!?! NEVER...oh but she needs to rescue kam and aly from their problems. well guess what, they just stabbed your ass in the back. something i wouldnt ever do to you....so w.e. i just need to let her go and find her own way. im tired of giving all the time, i love her to death and that wont change but kyms like a drug for me. and you all know what im trying to with drugs...PHUCK that sheet. haha, she just imed me now saying that she just found out that aly and kam fucked on monday. WOW....what more evidence do you need to tell you that they arent good friends. that you had one, but you f***ed her over 55646126 times. her and aly will be friends again, you just watch.
im hungry, and im talking to my long lost mother so i will update later |
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| GEEZ |
[Apr. 13th, 2004|09:22 pm] |
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how the hell do i fuck everything up?!?! ugh, i swear im a big fuck up and i just dont even deserve to live. i havent felt like this in about 2 weeks, maybe cuz i forgot the meds, idk. but geez, any person with half a brain would know better. i just seem to mess it all up...with EVERYONE. i dont deserve to have friends nor to i deserve to live. fuck it, maybe on the way to do my laundry i will slip, fall, bust my head open and die. then wouldnt everyone have a field day with that one?!!? YEP they sure would.....hell and my "bestfriend" wants to talk to me when you boyfriend dumps her and her substitute friend betrays her, but the next day they are peachy and bye-bye to our fucking conversation and our friendship. fuck it, i dont need it...i have friends, ones that i dont deserve, and end up hurting...so arent i just in a fucked up spot?!?! to the person i hurt, you know who you are...and im sorry. dont forgive me, i dont deserve to be forgiven....find better friends. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 10th, 2004|12:32 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | sleepy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Trapt *track 4* | ] |
well i started writting in here to give you the "4-1-1" on today and yesterday, but im just SOO darn tired. so tom. when i get up i will copy and paste what i had written tonight and finish it up tom. so the dates will be off but maybe you will understand it and what im trying to say. but iz TUCKERED out so i will write in this thing tom.
P.S. go see the Passion of the Christ if you havent seen it yet, well even if you have take someone that hasnt seen it along with you, and then the next time make them take someone THEY know that hasnt seen it, until everyone you know has seen it b.c its simply that good of a movie. and im glad that my friend krystal took me to see it. i will let you know all about it tom. but im falling asleep.
night-manda |
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